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"Do not fear the opportunity to do better."
"Do not fear the opportunity to do better."
–Ijeoma Oluo
–Ijeoma Oluo
Shari Pergricht, M.A. worked for 28 years as a Counselor and Professor of Student Development in higher education and has over 25 years of experience in racial equity work, the interruption of harm and bystander intervention training. Her focus is guiding and supporting the anti-racist identity development of white people and teaching the skills necessary to speak and act effectively in the face of harm.
Many years ago, I was visiting a friend in St. Louis. I was on the street, unloading a few things from my car. An older, white man came out of a house across the street and greeted me "How do you like the neighborhood?" he asked. I realized he probably thought I was moving in, but I didn't feel the need to explain that I was just there for the weekend. "I like it just fine" I replied, with a smile. He nodded and said "Me, too." Then he lowered his voice, cupped a hand over his mouth and whispered "No blacks!" He got into his car and drove away while I stood there, in the middle of the street with my mouth open. I was shocked and upset, as many well-meaning white people often are when they hear someone say something blatantly racist. Why did he think he could say that to me? Why did he think I would be o.k. with hearing that? Worst of all (and most importantly), I didn't know how to respond. I knew I should say something, but what? I was paralyzed and speechless and watched helplessly as he drove away with a smile and a wave of his hand.
Many years ago, I was visiting a friend in St. Louis. I was on the street, unloading a few things from my car. An older, white man came out of a house across the street and greeted me "How do you like the neighborhood?" he asked. I realized he probably thought I was moving in, but I didn't feel the need to explain that I was just there for the weekend. "I like it just fine" I replied, with a smile. He nodded and said "Me, too." Then he lowered his voice, cupped a hand over his mouth and whispered "No blacks!" He got into his car and drove away while I stood there, in the middle of the street with my mouth open. I was shocked and upset, as many well-meaning white people often are when they hear someone say something blatantly racist. Why did he think he could say that to me? Why did he think I would be o.k. with hearing that? Worst of all (and most importantly), I didn't know how to respond. I knew I should say something, but what? I was paralyzed and speechless and watched helplessly as he drove away with a smile and a wave of his hand.
This experience stayed with me for a long time. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how many other times I've been in situations where I heard or saw something racist and wanted to say or do something...but didn't. I started writing them down and talking to other white people who also had similar stories about times they wished they had spoken up but remained silent. There are many reasons: fear of retaliation, too uncomfortable, didn't know how, it's none of my business and what good would it do anyway? We all had this in common: full of good intentions but with no available skills (and perhaps lacking the courage) to navigate or negotiate these common, everyday situations and conversations. My feelings of shame and frustration motivated me to take action.
This experience stayed with me for a long time. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how many other times I've been in situations where I heard or saw something racist and wanted to say or do something...but didn't. I started writing them down and talking to other white people who also had similar stories about times they wished they had spoken up but remained silent. There are many reasons: fear of retaliation, too uncomfortable, didn't know how, it's none of my business and what good would it do anyway? We all had this in common: full of good intentions but with no available skills (and perhaps lacking the courage) to navigate or negotiate these common, everyday situations and conversations. My feelings of shame and frustration motivated me to take action.
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